F*** Mass Effect 3

In general, I enjoy Mass Effect 3. I just have a few gripes about the game. They can be grouped as follows:

1. F*** Phantoms
2. F*** Geth Pyros
3. F*** Banshees
4. F*** Dick Bees
5. F*** Everybody

Let us take these items one at a time.

1. F*** Phantoms

I am always happy to see Cerberus show up in multi-player, since they're humans and generally far easier to deal with than the other possible enemies one could face. And if I'm in a sniping kind of mood, headshots are way easy to get. The one problem I have with Cerberus troops are the effing Phantoms. It's like the devs said "hmm, what's the most cheatingest enemy we can come up with... Oh! I know! Let's give it a barrier, and let it become invisible and make it super fast and make it super skinny and hard to hit AND let's give it a freaking sword that can one-shot kill you if you get too close. Brilliant!" Phantoms really have no weaknesses. You just have to stay out of range and take potshots at them until they finally expire, or you get lucky. However, in the grand scheme of things, Phantoms aren't as bad as...

2. F*** Geth Pyros

Yes, Geth have the Geth Prime, but they're big and slow and easy to hit and generally don't cause me a lot of trouble. Pyros on the other hand tantalize me with the thought of explosions if you hit their flamethrower tank, and it only happens about 0.000001% of the time (it seems). Now, I've been told that it happens if you score a direct hit with a good sniper rifle, but that only increases the odds to about 0.001% (it seems). Also, I WANT A FLAMETHROWER. I tend to like playing as pyro characters (hello, TF2, I'm looking at you), and running in among crowds of enemies and just lighting everything on fire. But when someone else does it to me, I get mad. So, flamethrowing dudes who can get you through cover and have shields and don't explode piss me off. Still not as bad as...

3. F*** Banshees

Right. Banshees. I'm pretty sure this one needs no explanation, but I'm giving you one anyway. Hello, I'm a teleporting-electric-ball-tossing-naked-woman-who-shrugs-off-headshots-like-they're-gnats. I can't imagine why you piss me off. But while the Banshee may do more damage, nothing beats the pure annoyance of...

4. F*** Dick Bees

Collectors SUCK. Pure and simple. The stupid little swarms of bees that fly around and try and give you bees (Dick Bees when I'm annoyed, Richard Bees if I'm feeling formal). The godawful Abominations that blow up and make you die. The even worse Possessed Abominations that blow up and make everyone die (though the hilarity of multiple explosions tends to alleviate some of the annoyance there). Those stupid huge Seeker Swarms that blow up and give everyone Dick Bees. How annoying it is to run around while infected with bees, waiting for them to go away so you can Biotic Charge again!

5. F*** Everybody

All of this brings us to the most annoying thing of all. Everyone else. I mean this affectionately, because I don't really hate all my team mates. Just the ones who sit in the lobby not pressing spacebar and making everyone wait for them to do whatever the hell they're doing. And the ones who run off and die all the time (though I can't say too much about this, I've been known to do this myself). Can't forget the ones who stand over your corpse and DON'T JUST HIT SPACEBAR TO REVIVE YOU. Reegar Carbine users who take all the ammo from the boxes (oh, I do that too). Anyone who snipes the guy I'm just about to heavy melee. People who quit on or after Wave 8. Dimwits who don't get to the extraction zone.

Hm... Why do I play this game again?

Oh right. Krogan Vanguard. :)