F*** Mass Effect 3

In general, I enjoy Mass Effect 3. I just have a few gripes about the game. They can be grouped as follows:

1. F*** Phantoms
2. F*** Geth Pyros
3. F*** Banshees
4. F*** Dick Bees
5. F*** Everybody

Let us take these items one at a time.

1. F*** Phantoms

I am always happy to see Cerberus show up in multi-player, since they're humans and generally far easier to deal with than the other possible enemies one could face. And if I'm in a sniping kind of mood, headshots are way easy to get. The one problem I have with Cerberus troops are the effing Phantoms. It's like the devs said "hmm, what's the most cheatingest enemy we can come up with... Oh! I know! Let's give it a barrier, and let it become invisible and make it super fast and make it super skinny and hard to hit AND let's give it a freaking sword that can one-shot kill you if you get too close. Brilliant!" Phantoms really have no weaknesses. You just have to stay out of range and take potshots at them until they finally expire, or you get lucky. However, in the grand scheme of things, Phantoms aren't as bad as...

2. F*** Geth Pyros

Yes, Geth have the Geth Prime, but they're big and slow and easy to hit and generally don't cause me a lot of trouble. Pyros on the other hand tantalize me with the thought of explosions if you hit their flamethrower tank, and it only happens about 0.000001% of the time (it seems). Now, I've been told that it happens if you score a direct hit with a good sniper rifle, but that only increases the odds to about 0.001% (it seems). Also, I WANT A FLAMETHROWER. I tend to like playing as pyro characters (hello, TF2, I'm looking at you), and running in among crowds of enemies and just lighting everything on fire. But when someone else does it to me, I get mad. So, flamethrowing dudes who can get you through cover and have shields and don't explode piss me off. Still not as bad as...

3. F*** Banshees

Right. Banshees. I'm pretty sure this one needs no explanation, but I'm giving you one anyway. Hello, I'm a teleporting-electric-ball-tossing-naked-woman-who-shrugs-off-headshots-like-they're-gnats. I can't imagine why you piss me off. But while the Banshee may do more damage, nothing beats the pure annoyance of...

4. F*** Dick Bees

Collectors SUCK. Pure and simple. The stupid little swarms of bees that fly around and try and give you bees (Dick Bees when I'm annoyed, Richard Bees if I'm feeling formal). The godawful Abominations that blow up and make you die. The even worse Possessed Abominations that blow up and make everyone die (though the hilarity of multiple explosions tends to alleviate some of the annoyance there). Those stupid huge Seeker Swarms that blow up and give everyone Dick Bees. How annoying it is to run around while infected with bees, waiting for them to go away so you can Biotic Charge again!

5. F*** Everybody

All of this brings us to the most annoying thing of all. Everyone else. I mean this affectionately, because I don't really hate all my team mates. Just the ones who sit in the lobby not pressing spacebar and making everyone wait for them to do whatever the hell they're doing. And the ones who run off and die all the time (though I can't say too much about this, I've been known to do this myself). Can't forget the ones who stand over your corpse and DON'T JUST HIT SPACEBAR TO REVIVE YOU. Reegar Carbine users who take all the ammo from the boxes (oh, I do that too). Anyone who snipes the guy I'm just about to heavy melee. People who quit on or after Wave 8. Dimwits who don't get to the extraction zone.

Hm... Why do I play this game again?

Oh right. Krogan Vanguard. :)

How to build a skybridge in Minecraft without dying (more than twice)

I was surprised at how much I like Minecraft. It didn't seem like a game I would enjoy playing at first, but as soon as I figured out how to deal with creepers, I became just a little obsessed. Admittedly, after a certain point, I get bored with a world and start a new game instead of going to explore other places within the same world. One of these days I'll try that...

The one thing I like to do that has no real purpose is building bridges between very tall towers. I call them skybridges (or epic bridges, depending on my mood).

An example skybridge

I have finally figured out how to do this without dying. Well, without dying more than twice, really. Here's the thing: The whole purpose of these bridges is so that I can travel around when it's dark and not worry about creepers or skeletons sneaking up on me. Which means I'm building them in survival mode rather than creative mode.

The best way to work on these things is to build them over water.  

All that water...

 If you build over water, when you fall (which is inevitable) you are less likely to fall to your death (which is pretty important). It's almost like having a huge diving board. When you fall, you swim back to land and run back to where you were and continue. Of course, you're falling because you misjudged how close to the edge you are.

Tiptoe to the edge

So you tiptoe right up to the edge and peer over. If you're lucky/awesome/super talented, you will be able to turn to your right (or left) and see:

Yes!

That you are lined up exactly right to add the next block. This is usually where I end up falling, because I can't quite see the side of the block, so I try and creep a little bit closer to the edge, and usually hit the "W" too long and step off the end, which is disastrous.

So close, and yet so far.

 The process can go faster if you try to meet in the middle. Especially if you fall and you're closer to the destination than the starting point.

I got particularly fancy with this bridge in particular. It touches four different towers, and one portion has a little redstone powered railway.

I always choose the train.

Stone walls make good sides of a bridge. You don't need sides to a bridge, but I prefer the security of knowing that I won't be able to fall off. Also, they look cool.

I tried playing in creative mode once and got so bored of it after 10 minutes, that I deleted the world and went back to playing survival mode. Part of the fun of the game for me is finding the rare elements, like gold and diamond. If I have free access to them, that defeats the purpose, doesn't it? And I hear they're adding horses. I foresee needing to play until I tame a horse. I'm still hunting for an ocelot. I've tamed a wolf, but not had much luck in keeping them alive. They tend to fall into the holes where I've been mining and it's pretty hard for anything to survive that kind of fall.

The other issue with my mines is that sometimes Endermen will use them as refuges from rainy nights. I have found the best way to counteract this is to pour a bucket of water down after them. Seeing as how they dislike water so much, this sends them running and I can go back to mining to the bottom of the world in peace.

 I will leave you with one last terrifying image:

Breaking up with Star Wars: The Old Republic

I used to play SWTOR. I was a Sith Marauder and I had two lightsabers and it was epic. For every decision, I picked whichever choice gave me Dark side points (unless that would get in the way of story progress or meant that I'd lose a companion). By the time I stopped playing, I was nearing the highest rank of darkness possible. I good little minions who mostly liked me (as well as anyone can like a Dark lord). I was a good Sith (such a great oxymoron).

The SWTOR universe was amazing. The cut scenes were fully voice-acted and animated, and it was like watching tiny movies interspersed with gameplay. Gathering materials to make new and better equipment was fun as well. Seeing what kinds of things I could create with the limited resources the game offered was an exciting challenge. The different planets had different environments and new and interesting creatures to carve my way through, so it was always fun to visit a new planet and see what was there. The detail on the inside of my ship was fantastic, and each companion had their own little area to hang out. The space battles were challenging, but after failing miserably at the second or third one I tried, I chose to focus on hand to hand combat. Because, really, I wasn't playing to have epic space battles. Ships don't wield lightsabers.

It had everything to make a game I'd want to play for an extended period of time. Sure, there were monthly fees, and sure they were maybe higher than I generally wanted to pay at the time given my finances, but given that we'd get home and play SWTOR all evening every day, it was a worthwhile investment. And it was Star Wars! Who doesn't remember their first time seeing Star Wars? How incredible it was for its time, and even now (though I do wish Lucas had left the originals alone). I love Star Wars (at least the original trilogy, Ep. I-III are okay, and we'll see what happens with the new Disneyfied versions).

So, given all of this, why did I stop playing the game? It's very simple, really. It wasn't about the gameplay. I wasn't completely sick of fetch quests yet (though that time was coming because, really. Fetch quests). I still liked being a Sith. I was still in love with wielding two lightsabers (and ever in search of a better orange one).

I quit playing because Malavi Quinn wouldn't put out, and it was making me angry. Especially when one of my fiance's characters had gotten an interlude levels before I even came close.

Hold your horses. Let me explain. The developers built in the option to flirt with NPCs. The only reason to do something like that is if you expect people to actually do so! Which means there needs to be some sort of reward for it. Quinn was one of my first minions, and he generally liked my character, and I chose the "flirt" option at every available opportunity. So. Devs. What more did I have to do? Be more Light side (not likely, since Quinn appreciated many of my Dark side choices)? Be male (actually, thinking about it, that might have been it...)?

I wanted to play a game where I ran around with two lightsabers and wreaked havoc on the universe as the most evil Sith ever. I wanted to smash things and cackle as those holier-than-thou Jedi fell beneath my blade (there wasn't enough of that in the game either). Instead I was focusing on getting some private time with Malavi Quinn (anyone would have done by the end, since I really just wanted to say that my SWTOR character had gotten laid). And then, after I cancelled my account, they made it free to play. It was almost enough to drag me back, but it was too late. I had moved on.

I always feel bad spending a ton of money on a game that I only play for a few months. If a game is going to cost me upwards of $50, I feel like it should last me at least 6 months, if not a year. But that almost never happens. I either get bored before I get to the highest level, or I play the game obsessively until I beat it. In both cases, that happens well before 6 months are out. We got our money's worth out of SWTOR, and it was fun while it lasted. While part of me wants to crawl back into the Sith skin and waste a few hours, there's a new game to play now.